SAN DIEGO — Nudists frolicked in family-packed Balboa Park yesterday! The activist art group Parkeology claimed responsibility for the incident that took place in the Butterfly Garden grotto between two family friendly cultural institutions: the Reuben H. Fleet Science Center and San Diego History Museum. The self-proclaimed Parkeology leader and instigator Kate Clark admitted responsibility for the action.
Fliers distributed at the scene of the incident and verbal statements made by Clark revealed that dramatist Welton Jones masterminded the four carefully timed incursions featuring fifteen nudists. The antics of the nudists included performing naked pagan rituals, naked Twister, and nude volleyball. As observed by this reporter, the naked assault was also witnessed by well-over one-hundred seventy people. Hyperlink to video of nudists playing “Naked Twister” in Baboa Park.
The naked platoon appeared highly stimulated by their assaults as several of the combatants were at “perpetual attention” during each raid—especially one participant called “King Adolph” by his fellow nudists. Thankfully, none of the troops seemed to favor hair removal, which disguised some of their “fervor”!
While covertly eavesdropping between their immoral assaults, I witnessed the nudists languidly exposing their nude bodies to the sun and communing in groups casually conversing about their everyday lives while eating bananas and other fruits of nature. It seemed immodestly decadent.
Key culprits of the keenly timed and choreographed naked assaults were code named “Queen Zorine,” “Queen Tanya,” and aforementioned “King Adolph.” With further investigation, the real names of the three culprits are now known. Queen Zorine’s real name is Maria Mathioudakis, Queen Tanya’s real name is Alison Cummings, and King Adolph’s real name is Max Nanis. As of this report, the culprits’ whereabouts are currently unknown!
Statements made at the scene by Clark and broadcasted over a loud speaker during the incursions revealed that this was a stunt aimed to remind park visitors that the innocuous seeming butterfly filled grotto was once known as Zoro Gardens, which was the scene of the first and only professional nudist colony exhibited at an international world’s fair—the infamous 1935‒36 California Pacific International Exposition held on the grounds of Balboa Park.
Propaganda leaflets distributed during the overt bodily exhibitionism advocated nudism as a way to take better care of one’s body. The leaflets also advocated strenuous nude exercise such as tossing medicine balls and nude wrestling. One leaflet even mentioned that this immoral breach of nakedness occurring within the sanctity of our beloved, stopped-in-time Balboa Park was titled “The Naked Truth: The Rise and Fall of America’s Only Public Nudist Colony—a scant history in four separated acts by Welton Jones.” It also mentioned that Parkeology is a series of events that unearth sites, stories, and senses of our urban parks. This naked invasion was also supported by the San Diego Art Institute in Balboa Park. Link to PDF-file of the program notes for “The Naked Truth.”
(“Ack #5”): I suddenly became disheartened as my moral outrage deflated like the rubber phalluses sported by the theatrical cast. More artistic Balboa Park cultural balderdash, I thought. Why was I thinking? Thinking…?!
(c) 2016 by Kraig Cavanaugh. Images and videos (c) 2016 by Kraig Cavanaugh.